Sponsorship

Sponsorship: The Way of Sobriety

The following is only my opinion.  As such please remember that opinions are like assholes, everyone has one. (yes, kind of blunt but hey what do you expect?  It’s me) This is not up for debate; it is just my experience and my thoughts.  You are free to disagree or dislike, on the other hand, you are also free to stand and cheer, laughing .

            I truly believe that sobriety’s key is sponsorship.  As when Roland met with Ebby, and in turn Ebby met with Bill, planting a seed. That seed coming into bloom when Bill met with Bob. Meetings and the structure of AA allow sponsorship to work.  For me it boils down to one alcoholic working with another, through the steps, to find a God of their own understanding, which can do for them what they cannot do for themselves.

            Now when I got sober, I was responsible only onto me, voted the boss by me, and the only directions I took were from (who else?) me, of course.  I was an island solely onto me, myself and I. It work so well that at 27 years of age, I was a drunk, facing mandatory jail time, getting booted from the Army, broke, possibly homeless, and basically every aspect of my life was a giant mess.  So when I got ordered to the Army treatment center at Tripler Army hospital, it was time.  It was time to find this God of my understanding and to have someone hold me to being responsible for my life. 

            That is where I first started learning what sponsorship was going to be for me.  Now after little over two years of sobriety, I was at Ft Polk, Louisiana and in the course of sobriety and meetings, the Army treatment facility would ask for a member to come over and speak to their people in treatment.  I would speak, and through the course of their treatment they were required to get a sponsor. I was asked by a lot of soldiers to be their sponsor, not because I was wonderful and knowledgeable but I was the only one they knew. Ouch, that hurt the old ego, laughing, but during this time I had to look at what I was doing and what I had been asked to do when I walked in the doors.  For I did not want to cheat anyone out of what sobriety had brought to me at that time.  It is and was too special for me to deny anyone the chance of getting it.  So I sat down and wrote out what I had been told and came up with the following 12 principles.  This is not original as far as the principles, although I have expanded on what it means to me and to this day I still use it when I start sponsoring someone. (And yes, I worked it so it came to 12, being cute, so it lined up with 12 steps, 12 traditions and 12 concepts. Still little ego driven…lol)

12 Principles to Sponsorship

1.  Call me every day, call another AA member daily.

            I do this when the person is new; it got me into the habit of calling my sponsor, and also got me to reach out to other AA’s.  Also it got me to memorize my sponsor’s phone number just in case.  I have found that nothing is better than during the day just chatting with another AA. It helps me to get out of myself.

2.  Say please in the morning and thank you at night. If you have problem with a God of your own understanding than use mine.

            I have never found a member of AA who has gone back out who honestly ask God in the morning to keep them sober, or who was grateful at night for another day of sobriety. (And yes I have asked those who have gone out if they had)  If an alcoholic has a problem with God, I just suggest that they can use mine, or just ask please to whoever may be out there.  The important thing I think is just in the asking.  My God is the Father and like me, I am also a father, I could never, not give my children what they need.  I do not make them ask me, but it does make me feel good when they ask and say thank you.  So I think my God is like that, not needing, He knows what I need, but He likes it when I ask and say thank you.  For me it is just common sense and good manners.    

3.  No major life changes in a year.

            This is not some set in stone rule.  Just that when I came into recovery I had a lot of work to do on my sobriety and I have found it best that there be as little outside distraction as possible.  Also the mind of the alcoholic is coming out of sickness into health, so my decision making process was slightly screwed up. (slightly ? laughing, yeah right)

4.  Full name and Sobriety Date.

            There is no anonymity in a meeting.  I give my full name so that if the person is looking in a phone book or calling information, I can be found.  I give my sobriety date so that A) I can remember when my last drink was. B) I can remember who is responsible for my sobriety. C.)  So that people at the meeting know where in my sobriety I am.  I have heard a lot of good things from newcomers, only to find out that they were new, so that the possibility of them actually knowing what they were talking about was slim.  They were just parroting what they had heard others share. Now that’s ok, if it makes them feel more comfortable in the meeting fine, it is important to feel a part of, not apart from.  Only if the information from their share is wrong, or misguided will I say anything.

5.  90 meetings in 90 days.

            Obviously this would be very hard to do in Germany; the principle is when you’re new to the fellowship, go to as many meetings as possible. It got me when I was the newcomer into the habit of going to meetings, got me familiar with AA and comfortable with my surroundings. I learned it was not some secret society, and they did not sacrifice chickens or just sit around talking about how they miss the good old drinking days.  I found friends and people who had problems and were working out solutions on them without having to drink over them.  I found a place where I felt safe and comfortable. 

6.  Show up early, shake hands, introduce yourself to everyone, after the meeting help to clean up.

            I became a member of AA, not just someone who went to meetings.  It helped to make me feel like I belonged.  A home group should feel like home every time I go to it.  I was told to be on time, being late is disrespectful, and that it showed a lack of caring for the meeting.  I was taught to meet everyone, especially the newcomer, I would never know when an alcoholic is in a bad space and just needs someone to say hi too. It helped me and still does to feel useful and a part of something.

7.  Get your own Big Book, 12x12, etc…

            It’s my sobriety; I should have my own owner’s manual for my sobriety.  If the meeting is a Big Book or 12x12 Study, then I bring my book and study. It does me no good to sit and listen.  My God gave me a brain to use, so I should use it to its fullest. Check what is read, what actions to take etc… it is my life that is on the line, and I should have the information on hand that is going to save it.

8.  Sit at the table.

            I was taught Sobriety sits up front, and it is active.  It’s my sobriety, and I take responsibility for it. I try to be upbeat, energetic and active in my sobriety. Sobriety and Life are participation sports, no sitting on the sideline.  I have found out my God will not do for me what I can do for myself.  If I am too lazy or tired to do something, then I get the opportunity to pay the consequences for my inaction as I get the opportunity to pay the consequences for my actions.  The same goes for the benefits of my action or inaction, these are mine also.  So I need to sit up front and take action on my life.  I am responsible for doing the footwork.  I have no control over the results that is my God’s deal; I am only responsible for taking the daily actions.  Once again my God gave me a brain to use so I should use it.    

9.  Donate to the basket.

            Again, I was taught to support my sobriety, my group and AA.  It helped me and still does to feel like I belong, making me more responsible to my sobriety and giving me the feeling like I am owning up to my sobriety.  If I could afford to drink, then I can afford to support AA and sobriety.

10.  Watch profanity.

            For me God and fuck don’t live in the same house. (blunt version) When I was drinking I could swear with the best of them but now it is a good indicator of where I am spiritually.  That is pretty simple and straight forward.

11.  Meet 1hr a week and go over the Big Book.

            The Big Book is the basic text of recovery.  It is the road map for yours and my sobriety.  It is not for you or me but about you and me.  It not only gives me directions on how to get sober, but on how to live sober and handle sobriety.  So, it is a good thing, for me to learn as much about it and what it has to say, than any other book in my library.  This is mostly for the newcomer I sponsor, so that I know I am giving them what I have received, and the only way I know how is to go page by page through the first 164 pages and give them the tools that it contains.  It also gave me face to face time with my sponsor.  (or those I sponsor) It is a lot easier to lie about my actions over the phone than facing the person.

12.  Do something for someone or somebody daily, and do not get found out or tell anyone about it.

            Alcoholics are self centered to the extreme.  It was vital for me to learn to get out of myself and help others.  When I first got sober it was important for me to feel that I was of worth.  I am not bad trying to be good, I was sick trying to get healthy,  I suffered from the disease of alcoholism and now am trying to take actions to act my way into good health, mentally, physically, emotionally and spiritually.  To act my way into a new way of living. (I definitely did not come up with that line)  

           

          So these were some of the tools I was given.   I have been taught how to use many tools in my sobriety, through the course of going through the Big Book, 12X12 and other literature with my sponsors, and those I have sponsored.  But it is still up to me to use those tools.  It is my Life and my Sobriety and my God.  It is up to me to play the active role in my Life, for no one else will or should.  I get back, far more than what I put in, I have found.  My Life is as good as I let it be or as good as I live it.  That has been and is my experience.