I was wondering this morning.....

I was wondering this morning as I was having my morning coffee and reading my emails etc... "What am I suppose to be doing?"  Not the getting ready for work type thing, but the in Life type thing.  One thing I realized is that: it is at least a 3 cup of coffee question.  I am currently on my second cup of coffee, at work, still pondering this question.  Every morning I start the day in reflection, (not too seriously, still having morning coffee and waking up) and have done so for over 22 years, no matter where I have been.  Just a way to get my feet on the ground of reality, and not in the world of : "I wonder if?" Normally I start with my 24 Hour a Day reflection's and reflect on that, along with something I picked up, must be over 8 years ago,  a little card that asks me: "What does my God ask of me?.... to love tenderly, to act justly, and to walk humbly with my God"  (yes, it is a quote from the Bible, a cookie to whoever gets it right) And that gets me to thinking:  to love tenderly, what is love then? I have spent many hours, days, weeks, months, and years trying to figure that out.  The best I can come up with is concern for the well being of another, that desire to see and pray for the best for them, the willingness to step out of my comfort zone to be of help to them.  One of the truest ways I can define love is when I say the word love in my mind, whose names and faces come to be pictured in my mind.  And with those names and faces comes the stillness and warmth of the soul that I can only describe as being love.   Tenderly to me means the affect I have on them in our crossing paths.  When my youngest daughter was born and I held her (the first one to hold her I might add, lol) The feeling I had and what filled the room I could only describe as God's Love.  The feeling of safety and warmth, and the soft caress of his touch on my soul as if to say: "This is my child; care for her well". So that is what I must practise, to love tenderly, all of those whose path I cross.  To Act Justly:  what are my actions today?  Am I being self centered and only out for myself? Or am I trying to be considerate of those around me?  If i ask you "how are you doing?" do I take the time to really listen to the answer? Justly to me means there is more than black and white.  To take the time to consider where the person is coming from and to put myself in their shoes.  Just because I am right does not make it ok for me to be an asshole. (something I have done before, and will probably do again) I do not need do beat anyone over the head with the I was Right stick. Compassion not sympathy should be my watch word in this. And if I practise this then I think I am walking humbly with this God of my understanding.  It is nice to know that when I get tired or am getting close to stumbling or walking off the path, that his gentle hands will guide me and give me strength.
     So how does this pertain to "What am I suppose to be doing?" Well they are my guide posts when I think about making changes or taking actions.  The actions may be self motivated, but that does not mean they are bad, it might mean that by doing so I put myself in a better position to be of use to others. On the other hand it might just be an ego feeding type thing as in look at me.... look what I did... which would be bad for whenever I use the words what I have done it means I am walking alone and not humbly with the God of my understanding and am taking credit for his results.  Not a good thing as Life as taught me.  So this is my babbling for the day so far.. I am pretty sure more will come as I drink more coffee...

12 Steps of Recovery

In the course of this blog I will be writing on my use of the 12 steps of recovery as written in the Big Book of Alcoholic Anonymous. The steps are used in over 144 different recovery programs, and what I will be writing is only my poor attempt to use or work them in my Life.  I do not claim any great knowledge or guru status but will only report the effects of the changes that occurred in my Life from using them.  For it is working the steps and taking action on them that i was able to learn to take action on my Life and not react to what Life was throwing at me.  This is purely a self history lesson, based solely on my Life and experiences and not a what one needs to recover lesson.   Life taught me that I needed help, and help found me and this is my reflections on those lessons.  Life is a journey not to get to the destination, but to travel through.  it is the traveling that makes the journey worthwhile. More pearls of wisdom as soon as I can get the dam oyster to open it's mouth..

Enjoy Life, there are no Do-Overs!

The one thing in life I have found is that it is up to me to enjoy it or not.  I cannot wait on the expectation of someone else to make me happy or content.  It is a self made decision on my part as to what I am.  A matter of perception; the ol glass half full or half empty type thing.  No one person, group, institution or organization, should ever have the ability to dictate to me how I feel or act in Life. The responsibility of my Life is mine, to live, love, laugh and enjoy and cannot be dealt to someone else or the blame of it given to someone else to carry it's burden. I am an adult, and as such my actions are my own, and as such I am responsible for those action's consequences both good and bad. If there be fault in my life, (and i do not believe there is) than the fault is mine. (not my saying,a quote) I say i do not believe in fault because Life has taught me that I am doing the best I can, and am not intentionally causing any dis-harmony in my life or that of others. I try in Life: to be of use to others, sometimes it works out well, other times not so well, but as the Big Guy upstairs knows, I, at least, try and don't live my Life on the sidelines but am a active participant in my Life. I capitalize the word Life because for me Life is an actual thing, "Life" and I can either live Life or it will live me, much the same as I can either take action on my Life or react to what Life throws at me. Well I have babbled long enough for now, more later as I am sure my brilliance will soon be pouring out on here. (so glad there is spell check)