Some basic facts and questions I have:
1. Having a smart phone does not make me any smarter.
2. Saying I am sorry only goes so far before people start agreeing that I am sorry…..
3. When I feel tired, disheartened, and confused, I am part of the 99%, when I am delusional, I am part of the 1%.
4. Whoever said size doesn’t matter, never argued with a 6’6” 240lbs man.
5. If something sounds too good to be true; it’s out of my price range.
6. I have never lost my keys, just forgot which locks they go to.
7. I am a firm believer in Gay rights and Gay marriage; they should have the same right to pay alimony, child support and be miserable as I do.
8. I keep getting emails to support Alzheimer research but I forget where to send the check.
9. They put a man on the moon, but cannot figure out how to put hair on my head? Or at least transplant it from my ears.
10. Men were born clueless, and unfortunately women know it.
11. If money cannot buy me happiness; I would still rather be rich and unhappy than poor and unhappy.
12. When I was born a stranger slapped me on the ass, kind of set the tone for the rest of my life.
13. When I die a stranger is going to throw dirt on my face; is that some sort of payback?
14. If misery loves company; why am I so alone?
15. I got an email for a penis enlargement cream; since when is 12 inches not enough? And how did they know I was a man?
16. How come glue doesn’t stick to the inside of the bottle?
17. If everything tastes like chicken; why doesn’t the egg?
18. Why does identity theft always seems to happen to the guy in the trailer home?
19. I went to a small Midwestern university and found out Penthouse lied.
20. Looking at porn on the internet is the equivalent of being a broke child in a candy store.
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