Freedom to Do

The Freedom of Freedom

     The funny thing about sobriety is that I am free to do whatever I want. Sobriety offers me the ultimate freedom, that being of choice. I am free to do anything as long as I am willing to pay the price for my actions or inaction’s. I can stay sober or I can get drunk, (not a real choice but you see what I mean) to live a good life or be a liar, a cheat and a thief. To believe as I choose to believe. Do do it all one way or another or somewhere in between. When I think of it, it really is kind of awesome, total freedom, and a little frightening also.

     

     So why freedom? Well I am getting close, as in the next year or year and a half of having to make some major life changes. The type of changes where a year is not much time. The problem I am faced with is: I do not know what I want. I have been praying and asking for guidance from Poppa upstairs, and from friends, but really, I can do whatever I want to do. That is the root of the problem. What do I want?

 

      In another two years the garrison where I work in Germany will be closed. I will be 53 yrs old. The prospect of moving somewhere in Germany just to work is slim. My daughters will both be getting ready to or will be out of their mother's house by then and most likely in college. I enjoy Germany but do not have any close ties, excepting my daughters. For me financially, I will be doubly retired, with two plus checks coming in. Child support will be mostly over. (I have daughters, so I know will always be paying, gladly paying them) But the idea of living in Germany, while my daughters are out and about living their lives, does not make much sense to me. They are or will have reached the age of spreading their wings and being fine young women, so the active, poppa, father role time will be moving to the advice and love stage of fatherhood.

     That being the crux of the dilemma. I will only be 53, far to young to pick out a rocker and a porch. Where do I want to go and what do I want to do? I ask my Father, where I would be of most use? Where can I be of help? I have the feeling he is enjoying my struggle. For this is a by-product of sobriety, good living, and doing the right thing. This freedom of choice. This, I can do what I want.

     My God knows I am struggling, and I am sure in the right time (His, not mine) he will let me know. I know I want to put down some roots. It seems every ten or so years of my life I have been moving, or facing a life change so I know I would like to have a base of operations I can call home. I know I will be visiting Germany a couple times a year. I miss my daughters daily now even when I can see or talk to them daily. I hate to think about not being there, but I know it is the right thing. 

more to follow, this is the writing to clear the mind sort of thing.