large blessing, smill packages, a night out!!!!!

           I had an evening out with my youngest daughter, the other night.  She is 12 and I took her and her girlfriend out bowling and naturally, dinner at the bowling alley. (Why is it bowling alley’s have such great food?)  Whenever I have the opportunity to be with my daughters it is special to me.  They are getting older, one is in her teens and one is almost there, so being with Poppa is not always cool.  But my youngest still has a little of the Poppa time about her that always makes me feel special. 

          Being sober and having the chance to see and appreciate this is always a blessing.  Kind of like my God giving me a little pat on the back, “keep up the good work, isn’t it nice to know you are loved” type of thing.  Now my daughters and ex-wife have never seen me drink, and actually my youngest was born just prior to my 10 yr sobriety anniversary, so they have no real point of reference to what this means to me.  I have always been grateful to my God for waiting till I was older to have children in my life.  I was in my late 30’s when all of this started happening, and I still chuckle about it today.  All those Father’s Days that went by with no knock on the door, and the “Hi, guess who I am Dad…lol” but I know I would not have appreciated what I now have if I would have been younger.   When I was younger, I was way to self absorbed and self centered, to truly appreciated and be grateful for the gifts He had given me.  I think that is one of the banes of youth and of being a drunk, is that I was convinced “It’s all about me”.

          Now, in the present, I can appreciate and be grateful for the gifts I have received from his mercy and love.  My fondest and most cherished memories are those times I have been able to spend with my daughters, those sweet moments suspended in time, which spell out the depth of my love for them. So that when I think of my girls, those times come flooding into my mind, putting this silly-ass grin on my face. (Yes I am smiling right now writing this)  I know that life will put strains and stress’s on the relationships I have with my daughters, but I also know that God , when I take the time and listen, will help me to steer though the dark and muddy times and put be on the true course with my girls.  After all I am not really their father, He is, I am just by His Grace, their parent, caregiver, role model and guardian, but what a beautiful job He has given for me to do and how I cherish and relish doing it.

          This is the gift of Sobriety in its finest and most fulfilling.  To be of use to Him and to those I love.  Finishing this with a quick story, one day I was having a particularly shitty day at work, phone ringing constantly, everyone at work bickering, not enough coffee, you all know that deal.  Well, I was in a real sour mood when I got a text message.  It was from my youngest daughter, and contained three little words…..”I Love You”.  Now there is now way I deserved that, let alone expected that.  It was just God’s little gift and my daughter’s big gift to me, reminding me of the important thing in life.   A gift that comes from being physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually sober.

          So more jibber jabber later… time for coffee..