The Worn Trail

The Worn Trail

     There is a commonality of spirit that allows me not to ever be alone anymore. A by-product of sobriety, it was when I realized I wasn't unique. I am sober, and so are others, some who had a drinking problem and are recovering, and some who just don't drink alcohol. I am a father, as are lot of other men. I am divorced and so are some other people I know. I am retired from the Army, and I know plenty of others retired from the military. I had a near death experience, and have met other who had come close to dying also. Though not religious, I am a firm believer in my Father, as are many others of different faiths and beliefs. So while I am all of the above, others have had some of the same experiences, and as friends I can share my experiences or troubles with them.

     By having this friends network of sorts, I am not alone. Those shared experiences draw the friendship down to a deeper level and not just being a surface level friendship. As in sobriety with sponsorship, the learning from someone else's experience in whatever matter is at hand, allows my knowledge to grow. Through sharing my experiences in the subject allows me to be of use to my fellows and hopefully gives them strength that they are not alone.

     For whenever I am down, be it emotionally, mentally, physically, spiritually or even financially, I have the tendency to be hard on myself. To exasperate the experience I am going through and make it feel much worse than actually is. I kick myself when I am down to say. At that point, I will usually call up the past mistakes I have made in life, just to verify the fact that I cannot do anything in Life right. When this happens I use to be able to count on myself to do something incredibly foolish. I hop on the stupid train and ride it for as long as I can. In reviewing my past, it has never failed to amaze me, my ability to rationalize the dumbest move a man can make, and justify my actions.

     Now through recognizing the commonality of spirit, with the problems that arise, I can reach out to someone I know who has had this problem and talk and share with them. That by-product of sobriety, the “I don't know” or the ability to ask for help, in spite of my ego and pride, allows me to feel apart of the community of friends around me, and a member of the worlds family.

Lot more to follow.later.

On God, Coffee and a Good Cigar.

On God, Coffee and a Good Cigar

      I think I was 23 maybe 24 yrs old when I discovered this great drink called coffee. 

This enticing warm, dark beverage that made me sigh with satisfaction and contentment. Throughout the arrogance and snobbery of youth, I had avoided drinking it, thinking that it was just those old peoples drink. I stuck with soda and chocolate doughnuts as my main wake up foods. In discovering coffee, I was discovering a whole new realm and culture of living.

      I found the peace and serenity that comes with the sunrise. Waking up, my mind already at warp speed, just taking the time to sit down at the kitchen table with that first cup. Taking that first sip and feeling my brain slow into an operating mode and the rest of my body waking up to face the day. My dog knows when it is time for breakfast by the sound of the beans grinding in my coffee maker. Some things in Life I have learned, should never be rushed, a truly good cup of coffee, a good meal, the first kiss in a new relationship, and definitely never rush a good cigar.

      These, to me, are the simple good things that make up a good life. The simple pleasure given by God as if to say, “see how good Life can be?”. Not dramatic or earth shattering, not parting seas or 40 day floods, but the right in front of me, looking in my eyes way of saying, good stuff. I have found that taking the time to enjoy these adds to my ability to enjoy my Life. I take the time over morning coffee and my first cigarette to chat with my God, and reflect over the day to come. It maybe a easy going day or one filled with stress, busy from start to finish, but I have found the rewards in taking the time in the morning helps the rest of the day flow, as opposed to bumping, jostling, down the dirt road hitting every pothole in sight.

      I firmly believe Life is suppose to be a good and joyous experience. It is the simple things that in looking and finding the quality of, that add up to a joyous life. Like a savings account that you start slowly adding to, penny by penny, nickel by nickel, over time it adds and accumulates. When you add onto it the interest gained by saving, you seeing the benefit. So I believe it goes in Life. When I thank the God of my understanding, for the many blessings he has put in my Life, after so many thank you's I discover I am thankful for this Life He has given me. Being thankful equals being grateful, being grateful means showing actions that reflex my gratitude, which reflexes the love I have for my God, my family and my friends.

      I enjoy coffee time. I enjoy it in the morning with reflection and I enjoy having coffee with friends and chatting in the afternoon or evening. It is the perfect time to relax, enjoy their friendship, get caught up on their lives, reflect on the love God has given me by putting these people in my life and lastly to hopefully be of use to them. No where is it written that they have to be my friends, they choose to let me into their lives as I choose to let them into mine. I may not be able to pick my family, but God gives me the choice to pick my friends. What I am really picking is an extension to my family. I am entrusting those I pick as friends with a valuable resource, time. For to be a friend means I must take the time to be there for them, as they take time to be there for me. It is not for what I possess but for who I am that matters. Friendship like love is not a bartering situation. It is a 100 percent thing. I have learned I must give it my all, or else it does not work.

      These are the things I contemplate over coffee or over a good cigar. For it is over the quiet time in the morning or the cigar time in the evening where I talk with my God and look over my Life and see it for what it is. That is one of the best things of smoking a good cigar. When I take the time to smoke a cigar the only physical thing I can do is smoke the cigar, so it leaves my mind to enjoy the cigar, and reflect on my God and what He has shown me of Life. Sometimes they are lessons learned from living through them myself, other times it is from being an active member of my life, seeing and watching what is going on in the lives of my loved ones and friends.

      Life is a participation sport. It is meant to be lived in the middle of the field not from the sidelines. These quiet times over coffee, over a cigar, or with coffee with friends, are my res-pit from the ongoing daily juggling act of life, family, friends and work. It is that stolen moment where my daily battery gets a quick charge. Mother Teresa wrote or said :”To do ordinary things with extraordinary love”. I think that is the extra ingredient needed to living a joyous life. Learning to do the simple things in life with the same amount of attention and love I give the “BIG” things in life. I joke with my daughters about why home cooking always tastes better than restaurant food, I say because “it is made with love”. I think that is the truth of it, and when I am enjoying my cup of coffee or cigar, that is what my God is reminding me of. That the BIG things are all made up of small things, and if I am doing them with love that they cannot go wrong. He reminds me to take joy in the simple for when I break down the complex, everything becomes simple, and my Life is usually a good and joyous place to be apart of.

new / next book cover.

A Mile Further On Down

(Walking With My Dog)

__________

Quo Vadimus

Lawrence E Jackson